Cute Shoes! Fat Feet...............

        Let me start this entry off by telling you all how much I love shoes.  I love me some shoes....I love boots, I love espadrilles, I love sandals, I love slip on's, I love flip flops, I love wedges.....the list goes on.  My entire life I've been plagued with wide width feet...poor Igor has been passed down that wonderful gene from me.  Igor is my son's "stage" name for the blog to protect his identity from my recent found fame from this blog. (Pay attention people! We've been through this many times!)  Good thing he's a boy and who cares if boys have wide feet.  Anyway....I have always had to buy the "wide width" shoes....... Normally this means I shop at Payless for my shoes...which don't get me wrong, they have some cute things.... If you are a size 6, 7, 8, even a  9...when you are a 10 sometimes an 11 (thank you for that Igor, as my feet grew when you were in utero) the shoes become SLIM pickin's.  Like really slim... to the point where I usually can't even take advantage of the fucking BOGO deals they run like once a month.  I mean who doesn't want to get one pair of shoes, then  another for equal or lesser value at half the damn price?  This chick does....yet I rarely get to partake in those events because the selection is so small.
       I have cursed my feet for as long as I can remember. ( I can thank my dad for them, even though his feet are not big, they are wide...my mom has those cute size 7's, as well as my sisters...they can wear any shoes they want!......bitches).  Come summer time when all the girls are wearing cute sandals and wedges...I'm stuck in flip flops....Like literally all summer.....  I often refer to them as Fred Flintstone feet...you know what I'm talking about...short fat toes...yep...Try going into a department store or even the wide width section of DSW.........pfffffffffffffft I think their wide width is either a lie OR my feet are really just that fat!  Here's a little diddy of a story from this past December...I was brave enough to buy a black knee length wrap dress for my annual work Christmas party....if you know me, the only times I've worn any kind of dresses in the last 15 years were my wedding and my sister-in-laws wedding...oh and another wedding I attended about 2 years ago when I lost like 30 lbs....(of course I gained that shit right back plus another 20) ..so my ass was REALLY throwing caution into the wind to brave getting one for this event. What does a gal need to go with a nice dress?  Some kick ass foot apparel.  My first trip was to Payless, as usual.......now, if I wanted ugly ass faux suede with gray squirrel looking hair hanging out the top and some ugly ass pom-poms hanging from them...well then THAT was the store to spend my money......however I didn't want to look like an Eskimo, I wanted to look nice.  Next trip....DSW........ my friends are all "they have wide width there".......I was gonna give it a shot one more time..maybe they'd changed their "sizing"....from their version of wide width to Tracey's version of wide width.
         I wanted desperately to find me a pair of cute zip up black boots, you know those really nice knee high ones....(no, not the slutty thigh high ones, Jesus, what kind of girl do you think I am!).  I must have tried on 20 fucking pairs of boots, half of them my fat ass feet wouldn't even begin to squeeze in......the other half if I did manage to get my foot in, my calves are so damn wide I couldn't zip them more that 1/3 the way up!  Frustrated wasn't even the word to describe how I was feeling.  Sweaty would be a  good one....do you know how hard it is to balance on one foot while trying to pry off a boot that has become stuck because you tried desperately to wedge your foot in it praying "it may fit, if I just shove a bit harder".  That my faithful readers is about the time when I started to sweat.  So now I'm sweating, ( why the fuck did I wear a sweater in December when it's 30 degrees out???? I should have been pro-active and worn a tank top, knowing I was going in for such a challenge) Okay so back to me sweating...I'm sweating....and my foot is stuck in a boot.... the zipper is stuck on a thread and NOT budging.........So I'm sweating, my foot is sweating and starting to get the circulation cut off....and I'm standing in the back of the store trying to hide behind the clearance shoe racks so no one sees me making a fool of myself. Every time a customer walked back and was near me...I would stop acting like I was struggling and pretend I was modeling my foot in those floor mirrors they have. (mind you, the entire calf part that zips up except 1/3 of it is hanging down....I'm sure I fooled no one who happened to see me).   FINALLY the zipper releases (breaks)....tomato, toMAto, after an hour (no not really an hour..it was probably a little less than 5 minutes....but it seemed like an eternity) and my fat ass foot was free!  So not only did I break a pair of boots and shove them back in the box and exit my ass right out of that store, I never found a pair of wide width black knee high boots at DSW.  I left the store and sat in my car crying because I was so upset and frustrated that I'd let myself get this heavy that I couldn't even find a pair of freaking boots that fit.  I finally broke down and ordered them online.  The ones that came were not too bad..I still struggled a bit to zip them over my calves...had to stretch the shit out of them to get them to fit.  This was back in December.  Today I tried them on.... I was actually able to zip those puppies up without a problem.  There was even some room for my finger! 16 days down 16.5 lbs gone....13.25 inches...gone.... loving the Isagenix.
       Moral of the story.......... having fat, wide feet sucks.....And DSW may or may not have signs up with my picture on it saying "DO NOT let this woman back in this store"  I'm not sure...........................