Cupid's Arrow Got Stuck in a Fat Roll ( An Homage to the Hallmark Holiday)

        Well, another Valentine’s Day has come and gone….. Chief and I have never really been ones to make a big Hoorah about the day. We show each other how much we adore one another on a daily basis….here are some examples…”shut the fuck up, LOVER”, “I LOVE the shit out of you”, “For the LOVE of God, what just crawled up your ass and died and came back to life and is lingering in this freaking room for five minutes????”……See? So many ways we can throw that word around.
This Valentine’s Day wasn’t much different than any in the past. Usually I get a card, maybe some flowers…I’m just not big on the day… It’s not important to me to have one day to dote on someone with flowers that are going to wilt anyway, or shitty heart boxed candy where you have to stick your finger in each one so you don’t get the nasty ass piece that tastes like chocolate covered maple nougat. Who the fuck invented that flavor? I coulda had your job years ago buddy…People don’t like that flavor……..they are always the ones left in the box with a fingernail mark dug in the bottom of them, or maybe even a bite taken out but they put it back down after they realized what it was. We did get our son Igor ( this is what I will refer to him from now on to protect his identity from all the fans I will soon have from this awesome blog blowing up and going viral………….. no?) a coloring kit, but no candy. They managed to jack his ass up full of sugar at school, so I said no way was I adding to THAT shit storm when he got home.
        Now normally on Valentine’s Day I would have gone to the drug store to get MYSELF a box of candy and eat that shit in my car secretly. And yes…I’d poke my finger in each piece too. Who doesn’t right? This V-day my ass was planning on speeding through that store on a mission……to plow passed all the candy that would normally tempt me, trying as hard as I could to resist the urge to buy a box to eat before going to Igor’s school party, right to the aisle where the kids stuff was. Holy shit….. I managed to meander through all the empty calorie boxes of crap and chocolate covered maple nougat without even thinking twice about being tempted by what normally would hold me prisoner. Hallelujah let’s all sing out and rejoice to the heavens above “I do not want sweets, no no no…..take your candy and go, go, go”…..Repeat 3 times in sing song!!!!!!!! ( I was standing up with my arms way up in the air singing this aloud, right before I sat back down to type it) You all should totally get up and try it……it’s super liberating. Even if you can’t sing. My new life consists of not only having NO temptations anymore for the bad stuff but it also consists of hopping on the treadmill and getting a work out on a day when most of you are sitting at your desk digging through a box of candy poking holes in the bottoms to make sure it isn’t that nasty ass maple nougat. I told Chief, here’s what you are getting for Valentine’s Day….a thinner wife!
        Anyway so my point here and the moral of my little doo-wop is……Numero uno…Isagenix rocks and I can’t believe how it has freed me from my addiction to sugar and shit……..number two…. Valentine’s day is stupid, show and tell the ones you love EVERY DAY how much they mean to you……. And number three I can’t carry a tune if it was packed up in a in a bag, handed to me with and glued to my hands! Happy Hallmark day to all and to all a good night!