……BUT YOU HAVE SUCH A PRETTY FACE (cleaning out my closet of shame)

      Ok people, this shit is NEVER ok to say….You may as well say “for a fat girl you don’t sweat much”…..we all know what, “but you have such a pretty face” really means…..It means your face is nice, but your ass is fat. I can say this without being considered a bitch ( I hope) because I’ve been there….hell, I’m still overweight and considered plus sized (two sizes away from being out of that category by the way….I just did a happy dance behind my laptop) but I can tell you…no plus sized woman EVER wants to hear this phrase uttered to her…we actually don’t even want to consider the fact that the thought may have crossed your mind to say something so asinine to us….My mommom was notorious for saying this exact phrase to me…. Usually it would go along like this….I can hear it in my head so vividly…”but Tracey, you have such a pretty face,….if you’d just get some of that weight off of you”………………I’ve learned over time to let it roll off my back…I used to let it bother the shit out of me…I think all that changed when I started working with senior citizens every day, and realize they have no fucking filter and will say whatever they damn well please, without thinking twice. Maybe this is a good trait to have…..I’m not sure, I was always taught if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Except “fuck” I like to say that, whether it’s considered nice or not, I don’t care, I love the word and I will probably always say it…….so too fucking bad, deal with it. Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUUUUUCK…………ok I think I have gotten it out of my system for another paragraph or two……….maybe half a paragraph..I won’t know til I continue writing…..
         
          I’ve been going through my clothes a lot lately….I’ve lost nearly 50 lbs…. I have hardly anything to wear now. Of course it is bitter sweet….the bitter part is the money I have to spend to buy a new wardrobe…however that is soooo overshadowed by the SWEET!!!! And by “sweet” I mean sweet baby Jesus look how far I’ve come in just 3 months!!!! But let’s get back to my closet……most of these clothes have become a security blanket for me……I think I’ve kept so many of these bigger clothes in there over the years as a “just in case you get fat again” situation arose. So many times I have gone back to my size 18/20 jeans…my XXL shirts….. that up and down Yo-yo-ing I’ve spent so much of my adulthood doing….I’m now 12 weeks into Isagenix and down to a size 13/14 pants (they are getting loose as well) and a Large shirt…( I am even able to wear this adorable pair of espadrille shoes I bought about two years ago that my feet were too fat to shove into!)…I’m sure you all recall my blog “cute shoes, fat feet”….…I don’t ever want to or PLAN to go back to that size 20 miserable, tired, heavy former shell of a person I used to be. When I say I was miserable, I mean MISERABLE. 

         This journey for me however is much more than just about the weight loss. It’s about finding myself again….I am fucking see I used fuck again, one bad ass chic! I have gained confidence that I never had. Sure in the past I would do a really good job of faking confidence to get through a situation, but man oh man, this shit is REAL this time around. When you feel good from the outside in, it literally shows all over the outside! I had someone in the grocery store the other day tell me that my skin was beautiful and glowing……….SCREEEEEEEEEECH, put on the brakes people…………”Exsqueeeeeeze me ma’am? Did you just say I have nice skin?” I have never been told that before…(maybe it goes along with “but you have such a pretty face”? I’m not sure.) But yea, my skin is looking pretty awesome lately! Not only did some random stranger come up to me and say I had nice skin ( I’m not sure whether I should be concerned or creeped out that she was looking at me when I didn’t realize it….was she following me around the store? Waiting for an opportune time to tell me this? Did she purposely get behind me in line while I was trying to balance my 5 items in my hands and my purse and my car keys while trying to get my debit card out….all because this stubborn asshole that I am didn’t want to grab a cart or a basket because really, I only needed an item or two…or 5…) But she also said my skin was glowing! And I have to agree….but the glow isn’t just about my healthy skin since nutritionally cleansing my system of it’s toxins, it really is glowing because from the inside I am a better person. I hold myself better…I present myself better…I am finally proud of myself. I smile more when I’m out….I make eye contact with strangers and give them a warm smile….because I don’t feel like I’m hiding in a fat suit anymore where people are judging me.

          So my mission this week is to finish going through all of my clothes and once and for all getting rid of all those security blankets…..I have made a decision to make Isagenix my lifestyle….to embrace it fully. It fits into every aspect of my life…I’m still able to go to parties….to eat out with friends,..to entertain friends…. I’ve been asked “do you eat real food on that diet?”…………..Well first of all….it’s NOT a diet…it’s a lifestyle change. And yes I eat “real” food on it…whatever that means…I always chuckle at this because Isagenix is about as real as it gets…. This is the crème de la crème of nutrition……You can’t get this kind of organic, nutrient rich food anywhere else….

So I leave you all with this……. What is the person in the grocery store behind you thinking when they look at you? Are you glowing? If not it’s your time to shed that outer shell and fly my little butterflies………spread those fucking wings with me and let’s soar!