……BUT YOU HAVE SUCH A PRETTY FACE (cleaning out my closet of shame)

      Ok people, this shit is NEVER ok to say….You may as well say “for a fat girl you don’t sweat much”…..we all know what, “but you have such a pretty face” really means…..It means your face is nice, but your ass is fat. I can say this without being considered a bitch ( I hope) because I’ve been there….hell, I’m still overweight and considered plus sized (two sizes away from being out of that category by the way….I just did a happy dance behind my laptop) but I can tell you…no plus sized woman EVER wants to hear this phrase uttered to her…we actually don’t even want to consider the fact that the thought may have crossed your mind to say something so asinine to us….My mommom was notorious for saying this exact phrase to me…. Usually it would go along like this….I can hear it in my head so vividly…”but Tracey, you have such a pretty face,….if you’d just get some of that weight off of you”………………I’ve learned over time to let it roll off my back…I used to let it bother the shit out of me…I think all that changed when I started working with senior citizens every day, and realize they have no fucking filter and will say whatever they damn well please, without thinking twice. Maybe this is a good trait to have…..I’m not sure, I was always taught if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Except “fuck” I like to say that, whether it’s considered nice or not, I don’t care, I love the word and I will probably always say it…….so too fucking bad, deal with it. Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUUUUUCK…………ok I think I have gotten it out of my system for another paragraph or two……….maybe half a paragraph..I won’t know til I continue writing…..
         
          I’ve been going through my clothes a lot lately….I’ve lost nearly 50 lbs…. I have hardly anything to wear now. Of course it is bitter sweet….the bitter part is the money I have to spend to buy a new wardrobe…however that is soooo overshadowed by the SWEET!!!! And by “sweet” I mean sweet baby Jesus look how far I’ve come in just 3 months!!!! But let’s get back to my closet……most of these clothes have become a security blanket for me……I think I’ve kept so many of these bigger clothes in there over the years as a “just in case you get fat again” situation arose. So many times I have gone back to my size 18/20 jeans…my XXL shirts….. that up and down Yo-yo-ing I’ve spent so much of my adulthood doing….I’m now 12 weeks into Isagenix and down to a size 13/14 pants (they are getting loose as well) and a Large shirt…( I am even able to wear this adorable pair of espadrille shoes I bought about two years ago that my feet were too fat to shove into!)…I’m sure you all recall my blog “cute shoes, fat feet”….…I don’t ever want to or PLAN to go back to that size 20 miserable, tired, heavy former shell of a person I used to be. When I say I was miserable, I mean MISERABLE. 

         This journey for me however is much more than just about the weight loss. It’s about finding myself again….I am fucking see I used fuck again, one bad ass chic! I have gained confidence that I never had. Sure in the past I would do a really good job of faking confidence to get through a situation, but man oh man, this shit is REAL this time around. When you feel good from the outside in, it literally shows all over the outside! I had someone in the grocery store the other day tell me that my skin was beautiful and glowing……….SCREEEEEEEEEECH, put on the brakes people…………”Exsqueeeeeeze me ma’am? Did you just say I have nice skin?” I have never been told that before…(maybe it goes along with “but you have such a pretty face”? I’m not sure.) But yea, my skin is looking pretty awesome lately! Not only did some random stranger come up to me and say I had nice skin ( I’m not sure whether I should be concerned or creeped out that she was looking at me when I didn’t realize it….was she following me around the store? Waiting for an opportune time to tell me this? Did she purposely get behind me in line while I was trying to balance my 5 items in my hands and my purse and my car keys while trying to get my debit card out….all because this stubborn asshole that I am didn’t want to grab a cart or a basket because really, I only needed an item or two…or 5…) But she also said my skin was glowing! And I have to agree….but the glow isn’t just about my healthy skin since nutritionally cleansing my system of it’s toxins, it really is glowing because from the inside I am a better person. I hold myself better…I present myself better…I am finally proud of myself. I smile more when I’m out….I make eye contact with strangers and give them a warm smile….because I don’t feel like I’m hiding in a fat suit anymore where people are judging me.

          So my mission this week is to finish going through all of my clothes and once and for all getting rid of all those security blankets…..I have made a decision to make Isagenix my lifestyle….to embrace it fully. It fits into every aspect of my life…I’m still able to go to parties….to eat out with friends,..to entertain friends…. I’ve been asked “do you eat real food on that diet?”…………..Well first of all….it’s NOT a diet…it’s a lifestyle change. And yes I eat “real” food on it…whatever that means…I always chuckle at this because Isagenix is about as real as it gets…. This is the crème de la crème of nutrition……You can’t get this kind of organic, nutrient rich food anywhere else….

So I leave you all with this……. What is the person in the grocery store behind you thinking when they look at you? Are you glowing? If not it’s your time to shed that outer shell and fly my little butterflies………spread those fucking wings with me and let’s soar!

WAITING IN LINE AT THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER (The loop de loops of self loathing)

      Self loathing is by far one of the worst traits a person can possess.  I say this from firsthand experience.  I say this because from the time I was little until just recently this was my life.  I was always the bright, happy, Susie sunshine person from the outside, big smile, shoulder to cry on friend, pick you up when you are feeling down, make you laugh til you wanted to pee (or so I’ve been told) etc. etc….. But inside I was always falling apart… I hid it well….or so I thought.  Clearly by me saying I hid it well is a tad false…..this is where the anxiety meds came in, the anti-depressants, the emotional breakdowns and panic attacks …… I guess really I just masked it all.  My life inside my own mind was exactly what I titled this post…an emotional roller coaster.  And this NAKED chic wanted to get OFF!!!!  One minute I would be happy, the next I could be in a pile of tears sitting in the bathroom because I just hated how I looked and felt about myself.

      I don’t know exactly where this all started….I have my ideas…when I was younger I was compared by people a lot to my beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed sister.  She was always slim, with long straight hair….and when people would see us together it was almost like instant comparison…some would even say “she’s blonde and blue eyed, where did YOU come from?”  Like that was really an odd question since my father and I have the same coloring (Asses).   I always had a boyfriend, so it wasn’t that guys didn’t find me attractive but I myself, never ever saw what they saw.  I always compared myself to my older sister.  She was like this goddess I would look up to….We would fight like cats and dogs when we were younger, like sisters that are 2 years apart often do.  I would steal her clothes so I could feel like her when I was at school and then before she got home I would hang them back up in her closet so she wouldn’t know….She always found out….. My lying and sleuthing skills are for lack of a better word, non-existent.  She would ask me if I wore something and I just didn’t know how to lie….(that or she could smell the perfume I wore on the clothes I’m not too sure)……not only do I hate liars, I just cannot do it…I SUCK at it!  Anyway I think from grade school that is where it stemmed from…when she started to come into her own and I was always kinda in her shadow.  It’s funny because even to this day I still look up to her and envy her.   I don’t blame anyone for that, as it is in the past, but if I had to pinpoint a time in my life where this all began I would say it was probably around grade school.

       You know when you watch those talk shows about those beautiful women who would think nothing about them is attractive, and they simply just saw flaws when they looked in the mirror?  Well that was me….I mean to an extent….I never spent money on plastic surgery to change my appearance or anything, but I will admit I always wished I had the money to alter what parts of me I didn’t like.  That would have taken a boat load of money.  I’m also a Libra and we are very vain, so maybe my damn astrological sign has made it harder for me to accept who I am on the outside …who writes that shit because my sign is me to a freakin T  and that is scary! ..I guess in a way I am vain because I spent years upon years judging myself on my appearance.  The funny thing is I never judge anyone else on their appearance…..just myself.  I know we are our own worst critics….I’m the Roger Ebert of the Tracey show.  He’s got nothing on me with his thumbs up and thumbs down shit….I am the queen at judging and critiquing myself.   In my past I could have easily pointed out 10 things wrong with me physically before I said one nice thing about myself.  What the fuck????????  That’s certainly no way to live! Yet it’s exactly how I lived.  My husband would pay me a compliment and here’s what would go on in my head…”he’s only saying that because he’s my husband and he has to”……….UGHHHHHHHHHHH!

    It’s been about 12 weeks now, since I started changing my life.  Not only have I changed my outward appearance by using the Isagenix system (which I will be forever grateful for, and a lifetime user of as they have saved my life, literally and figuratively) but every day when I look in the mirror now I see something about myself that I like and I make a point to say something positive.  That emotional rollercoaster that I used to ride each and every day is almost nonexistent anymore.  I’m a better mom too.  My stress level is so much lower than it used to be (thank you Ionix Supreme…my Isagenix buddies will know what I am talking about with that!)  I had so much self hate inside of me I would fly off the handle much easier before, I would stress about everyday life occurrences….all in all I wasn’t a very happy person on the inside, regardless of what I showed my friends and family on the outside… It was almost like a dirty little secret.  It’s funny now, I find myself still waiting in line to get back on that emotional rollercoaster where I used to travel daily….however with the changes I’ve made, I don’t ever see that happening again.  I have the tools now to make sure that never ever happens again…

 I ask every one of my friends to be a bit cheesy today and give yourself a pat on the back or even a nice long hug, hey if you want to make out with yourself in the mirror that’s your prerogative, I won’t judge….but it’s time we all start liking ourselves a little more…… and if you know someone who may be stuck on those fucking loop de loops of emotions, how about stopping that rollercoaster and taking their hand and helping them out.  People need to see how awesome they really are and the beauty that not only lies on the outside but within. (Damn! I could be a Hallmark card writer!...I’m in the wrong business!)  It took me years and years to come to this realization that I really am beautiful….. even if I am no super model, even if I may never be a size 4……(I’ll settle for a size 6…… snicker, snicker…in all honesty with the plan I’m on it’s absolutely a realistic goal and I’m excited to get there!) I am worth putting in the time and energy to love myself….do I think it’s true what they say…”you can’t love someone until you love yourself”?  I more or less think that quote should say “you can’t accept someone else’s love until you love yourself”..that sounds more like it fits my journey…..…….. Start loving yourselves people…. Or you just may find me on your doorstep with open arms ready to hug the shit out of you, just to give you some love that you deserve!   I’m a really good house guest though, you may not want me to leave…I can make you laugh, I am a kick ass cook, and I like doing dishes…….. But in all seriousness, let’s start loving everything about ourselves…from the outside in….I promise you your whole outlook on life will change for the better!

My new bucket list includes becoming a motivational speaker………..but I guess I better brush up on my verbiage,…I don’t think the word “fuck” is very acceptable at public events.  Have a happy weekend readers!  And remember, go give yourself a pat on the back or a juicy wet mirror kiss!!!!!!!!

DARK SIDE OF THE MOON PI

A BIG OL' FAT THANK YOU TO ALL MY SUPPORTERS OUT THERE! IF I COULD KISS YA ALL I WOULD! (HOWEVER, THIS FEVER BLISTER, EVEN THOUGH IT'S PRETTY MUCH GONE, GENERALLY MAKES EVERYONE RUN FOR THE HILLS!)

The hubs and I went to AC to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary.........here's a little sneak peek into how our trip went on our isagenix plan............. (OMG!!! dude! get your minds out of the gutter people...what did you think i meant when i said sneak peak!???)

I am looking forward to two cleanse days in a row tomorrow and Thursday ....even though I did really well on our trip to AC, I did indulge a little and had a few bites of dessert each night ...... plus the effing casino's were filled with cigarette smoke!!!! blech!!!! need to cleanse me some cells!!! ... we had a really great time....and did our shakes and bars for breakfast and lunch and only ate the regular dinners each night...I made really healthy choices each night ( because I didn't desire the normal fatty foods) ....I will say....even though we ordered a dessert each night to split, the old me would have been rejoicing inside when Chief would only want a bit or two....THIS time it was me too who only wanted a few bites....the stuff just tastes soooo sugary to me anymore...I don't enjoy it like I used to and always feel icky afterwards...I even got the shakes from the sugar!!! ewwww.........i know that is my body telling me it's something that is not good for me..... Chief and i are always talking about how amazing we feel..... ( and ladies...let me tell you.......I have always adored m y husband,...always loved every bit of him....but my oh my oh MY MY MY..........he has dropped over 30 lbs and I feel like a damn teenager all over again! He makes me swoon he's so damn handsome!!!!) and how we will never go back to our old lifestyle because we have found something that works and makes us feel amazing.......... There is no way in hell I would ever go back to how i used to feel when I know now what it really is supposed to feel like to be "alive"..... I feel I've been given a second chance here...... Isagenix is some sort of gift..........I swear it is........it has become the answer to all my problems....it feels so good to finally be taking care of me for once...and knowing my husband and son are getting the same amazing food as well? It's a no brainer!!!! Being able to teach my son what is good and bad for him and how to make the right choices when it comes to his food at such a young age...the kid won't have to go through feeling like shit like Chief and I had for so many years....

As I said on my regular facebook post.....there are the people out there (some are even family members...YES!!!!! I know...) who tease me about this journey or GASP! have blocked me from their facebook walls.....and how much I have committed to it....all the research I have taken upon myself to read and learn about the crap we have been pretty much poisoning ourselves with over the years....because we have been fooled.... because we aren't being told what's really in our food...even those regular fruits and veggies you are buying that you think are healthy....do some research..............

My question though is this...why would you make fun of someone who is taking their health into their own hands and finally making good choices? That's beyond me. Everyone should step up and think about it....you really are what you eat.....I really don't give a turd if you don't like what I am doing or if you don't like what I am saying.....or if you think it is some sort of "fad"...because it absolutely is not...there's noting "fad" about eating super food organic nutrition and remaking your entire body over in a healthy way. For the people who think Isagenix is a fad, or a diet or whatever..........do the research....it's nothing like what you "think" it is........That is the "dark side" to this journey...the nay sayers.....the debbie downers...the people who were there for you when you were all about eating shitty and feeling shitty about yourselves together...bitching and moaning about how crappy you felt as you shoved another bon bon down your throat (totally been there, done that!!!!!!) ....who now haven't changed their lives and how they are living....don't want to be there to celebrate the positive changes I have made...I guess for those people I just have to suck it up and realize that is their own issues they are dealing with.....

Now, for my supporters.............. Here's where that juicy wet kiss comes in...........(once the fever blister is completely gone I mean)... I will be forever eternally grateful to my best friend Jacqueline Cocozza who introduced me to this........you will never know my gratitude...yet I will continue to remind you, text you, shout it out to you when i see you, lift you up and hug you....(even kiss you when my lip herp is gone) ..and to the rest of my team NAKED peeps and the Isagenix friends I have met along my journey...I don't know any of you face to face.... and yet you have welcomed me with open arms and endless encouragement...you root for me and cheer me on along the way.....You send me messages, you text me....you make me want to try harder and push harder and work harder towards my goal. I am forever grateful for each and every one of you!!!!!! ♥ If I could tag every one of you in this post I would..but it won't let me......Silly facebook page..... but anyway........I really can't say thank you enough.....You have made the dark side of the moon pie sooooo much sunnier on the opposite side!!!!

THE WEIGHT OF IT ALL (dedicated to my son and how he saved my life)

        I have thought so many times about sharing this part of my life with more than the people closest to me. It is the hardest part to share. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy……. But I feel it signifies another moment in my life that has led me to where I am today……… It is not an easy read…so I’m giving everyone fair warning….. As I sit and write it, I still cry over the memory, as I do quite often.

         Just like so many of you, I have dealt with shit in my life. We have been through a lifetime worth of crap in the 13 years we’ve been together. The absolute worst was losing our daughter. I replay that day in my head all the time……..it’s been almost 7 years and not a day goes by that I don’t replay parts, if not all of that day in my head. I was on the cusp of my 6th month of pregnancy and I went into labor and it couldn’t be stopped because my water broke. The tried to save her but her lungs weren’t developed yet. I had to stay in that hospital and give birth to her knowing she wouldn’t be coming out alive. Knowing that usually when people find these times to be super happy, this for us was just the absolute opposite. I remember being so hysterical and the nurse coming in shooting my IV up with some drugs to calm me down…….I became numb ……I couldn’t grasp what was really happening….. When it was time to push I remember the room going perfectly silent and turning the most beautiful shades of this white light. I kept saying to my husband’s cousin to shut the blinds because the light was blinding me…. But she said they were already closed. I remember her being born….the room lighting up beautifully…..complete silence…(there were about 8 people in the room all talking between my family and doctors and nurses, yet there was not one noise for about 15 seconds as she was being delivered…..then all the commotion started again as she was whisked away to be cleaned off. This moment will never leave my mind……the beautiful light…the silence….( about a week later I brought this up to my mother, my sister and my husband’s aunt and cousin who were all in the room during her birth and asked them if they recall anything weird...just to see what they would say ( I thought it was the drugs they gave me)…..HOLY SHIT they all experienced the same thing!!!! It still gives me chills to think about it……. She was perfect like a little doll…we named her Ashleigh Joy…she even had little eyelashes…( I remember thinking, why God? Why did you give her eyelashes before lungs????!!!!!! And how I will still never understand how that all works)..we held her still little body and cried and said our goodbyes. It was the absolute worst day of my life. I don’t think I came out of shock for probably 6 months from that. I spent weeks into months coming home from work and going right to my bed to cry into my pillow…..I walked around in what I would call “fish bowl” syndrome. Where everything is going on around you but you feel like you are stuck in this glass ball, just meandering, to get through each day. All I wanted to know was why? Why us? They say things happen for a reason and in the moment we can’t see the trees through the woods….but there was a purpose to this significant event in our lives. At that time I had no clue what it was. I knew there is nothing that could have changed what happened as well but of course I spent forever blaming myself and anything else I could think of so I could put the blame somewhere…I had to put it somewhere or I would have gone crazy….after all…. How does shit like this happen? Who decides to take life away? Before it’s even really begun? Who decided to cheat Chief and I from being parents and leaving us to grieve in what seemed like the loneliest place one could ever ever be? Who the fuck makes these decisions???!!!!!
As it turned out what I have is a genetic disorder that affects me when I’m pregnant. The blessing that came along with losing Ashleigh is that I was able to find out what was wrong and my sister was able to carry her 2nd pregnancy to full term because of it. (Little did we know when her son was born at 10 weeks premature2 years prior to me losing my daughter, my sister also carries part of this genetic disorder). So losing Ashleigh was not totally in vain. Because we lost her, I now have my two other nephews as well and I have the most beautiful son on the planet. That’s right my faithful readers, I’m talking about Igor. (This isn’t his real name….if you have been following along since the beginning you know I like to make up names for the people in my life!) Anyway back to why I’m writing this particular blog and why I am dedicating it to my favorite little 4 year old……. I know I will never have my daughter back but she is forever on my mind. She comes to me in dreams and leaves my husband, Igor and myself feathers in our path when we least expect them…… I often spend my idle time wondering what would she have been like? I still cry, even 7 years later when I think about her and who she’d be today…… Who would she have looked like? Would she have my eyes, or Chief’s?
         Here’s the part that relates to all the life changes I have been making since the end of January of this year. Forever I blamed myself and buried my sorrow in food and depression. Food- always my comfort in the moment and yet my worst enemy all wrapped up in one. Even though the more I ate, the heavier I got, the more depressed I became. It was just one more hatch I could put on my board of things I couldn’t control in my life. I had absolutely no control over my desire to eat and appetite and ate more than I needed and always felt like crap afterwards….literally and figuratively. The birth of my son was the BEST day of my…or shall I say of OUR lives. After having lost so much…and then finally having him, it was like the world started new again. It took me about 4 years of having him to really put into perspective that I have one shot at this life…..one shot to live it and be healthy and raise a healthy happy child. One day a light switched on in January after talking to my best friend Jacqui and I said to myself I will no longer live the way I’ve been living. I don’t want to be tired anymore..I don’t want to be sluggish…I want to be able to play with my son and not get tired. I don’t want to keep carrying around these extra 100 lbs. I can’t function this way……I’m not living I was surviving….getting out of bed every day was just a chore…I was fucking miserable. I like to refer to the old me as a slug. Both chief and I actually….we were very inactive and ate crappy…. To this day after making the best decision ever with Isagenix….we are both on our way to health. We have both lost over 30 lbs and feel the best we ever have in all our lives. There isn’t one single regret I have about my decision to start this program. It is the best lifestyle change we could have made for ourselves. I even got through Easter with no desire to eat any of the normal crap and candy I would have in the past. I had a completely guilt free day. It was awesome. Every other year I would consider it a “cheat” day and would gorge myself til I felt ill. I didn’t even crave the foods rich foods that were all over the buffet table.….not even anything from Igor’s basket. I literally was happy and completely content eating my veggies and hummus for appetizer and for dinner I ate a piece of veggie lasagna and a big salad and could hardly finish it. I had a small plate of dessert…fresh fruit and a small piece of chocolate cake…. Felt awesome not feeling like shit when I woke up this morning too from overeating yesterday………SINCE I DIDN’T OVEREAT!
        So back to my son…. having my son not only completed our lives ………..he has saved my life. I look at him and know that he’s the reason I’m still here…he’s the reason I’m making such huge changes….My old lifestyle was a recipe for complete disaster……So I plan on sticking around to bug his ass when he’s older… He can push me around Target in my wheelchair just like I pushed his butt around in the carts for so long!

The Great Girdle Hurdle

         So there have been times in my life (quite a few actually) where I had to dress up for an occasion….Be it a wedding, a party, a shower, even a funeral.   Pretty much all of these occasions called for being somewhat dressy…..and even to the point where GASP! I wore a dress!  Those who know me and those who have read past blogs know that I do NOT like wearing dresses….. and not because I’m tom boyish in any way, I just don’t feel comfortable in them.  I don’t like my legs, I feel like I look like I have a potato sack on.  So on this one occasion……….I was at a dinner party.  To be more specific it was my work dinner party just this past December.  Now for some of you plus sized women like myself we like to tuck in the extra stuff we have to smooth out our appearance.  ( I did not want to look like a Shar Pei at my work dinner with wrinkled fat rolls hanging over bra straps under my dress etc.)   I don’t think I’m alone on this or the girdle industry wouldn’t be as big (no pun intended) as it is.  So knowing I was braving a dress this year, and not wanting to feel like a Vienna sausage stuffed in those mini tin cans they come in, I decided now is the time to spend a little money on a good girdle!

       I didn’t love the idea of wearing one because I figured they had to be clingy in order to work and I would just sweat more than I already do. But alas I wasn’t about to show up in a dress without SOMETHING helping me out.  So off I went to the store.  I knew what I had in mind so I went with a goal of getting in and getting out, not making eye contact, just full steam ahead to the granny panty section, make my selection and leave without making casual conversation with the cute 20 year old boy behind the register.  (One time I went to buy underwear and I was buying the high waist, beige, don’t be caught dead in front of your husband, that time of the month, kind…… and low and behold who checked me out? Some hottie with sparkling blue eyes and a killer smile. MOR-TI-FY-ING (That’s another story, equally as embarrassing, but for another time).  So back to my in and out get the girdle and be gone…… So unbeknownst to me, there are A LOT of different types of fat tucking, gut sucking girdles out there!  There are the leg and waist ones only, the ones that are like a skirt that go from the mid thigh to your rib cage.  The kind that go way way way up to your boobies and to your knees (or in my case just way up to your boobies, cuz they aren’t that “way way” up there anymore  after being pregnant and breastfeeding).  And then there’s the Mecca of all girdles……….the full body suit girdle………….Here was my answer…..  suck it ALL in all at one time- don’t have to worry about the thigh’s rubbing together OR the stomach bulging out OR the back fat showing through!!  Anyway, so I’m scouring the selections and now I’m getting super confused………..What SIZE am I?  Do I get just the extra large or do I go for the 1X because I don’t want to NOT be able to breathe????  Oh shit! More choices!  I’m not good with choices…….. So since I didn’t feel like even attempting to try that sucker on ( do people even do that with girdles? Try them on in a store??)  I grabbed that lovely nude shade of material and waltzed my ass up to the counter…paid and left.

         When I got home I was a wee bit nervous about trying this thing on.  I mean I’ve worn spanx before but just the ones that help tuck the tummy part.  This was a WHOLE different animal!  I laid it on the bed…it was fleshy and shiny looking…..very soft…. And I thought this is gonna feel pretty nice, what can possibly go wrong!  I tried it on, it fit fine…I stuffed it in the drawer so Chief wouldn’t see it when he got home.  That’s the last thing I wanted him to see me in.  Bad enough him having to see the bright pink bra’s with the extra extenders on the backs in ugly beige colors.  This was entirely too much to share with the man I’ve been with for 13 years.  NO way NO how was I even going let him know I was gonna wear that thing under my dress to make myself look better. 

         So the night of the party came,….I got dressed,…I was feeling decent.  The girdle was doing it’s job.  I had my underwear, then the panty hose, then the girdle, then a nice black wrap dress….it was cold as hell out, so I was grateful for the layers.  That was until half way through the evening when I had to pee.  Not thinking anything of it I go into the stall and go to pull down my pantyhose and underwear and realize my fucking girdle goes all the way up my back, over my chest, has arm holes and arm straps…………..and no crotch…………….not even a peeper hole to pull to the side to pee out of!!!!!!! Oh my God, Oh my God!  You have got to be kidding me???????  Who the fuck designed this piece of shit???? So guess what I had to do JUST so I could pee?  I had to get UNDRESSED!!!!!! In the stall……..that’s right! Everything had to come off just so I could pee!  Why oh why did I drink that second glass of wine?????? Oh and the 3 glasses of water……….. All the while a bunch of my co workers were in and out of the bathroom…probably wondering “what is taking her so long…..did she eat the crab cakes and they didn’t agree with her?”  No, no….I just bought the universe’s  worst girdle ever made and now I’m naked in the stall except for my bra and my jewelry just so I can take a piss…that’s all ladies….don’t mind the asshole in the bathroom for ten minutes, carry on…..carry on………go back out to the party and don’t mind me!  I’ll just be another 10 minutes getting RE-dressed for a party I already came dressed to! 

                So needless to say……..the moral of tonight’s story is this………… girdles suck ass……..(literally and figuratively) and I cannot wait til the day comes when I am at my goal weight and no longer have to worry about wearing one!  Oh and also…if you are gonna buy a girdle sure as shit make sure there’s a pee hole in that puppy!!!!!

Food Fright!!!!!

FOOD FRIGHT!!!

       Yes that’s right, you didn't read that wrong.  I said FRIGHT, not fight.  You got excited for a minute there, got a feeling you could relive those high school days in the cafeteria slinging “just add water” mashed potatoes at your friends, didn't you?  Sorry that’s just not this type of blog today.  Today’s blog is brought to you by the words “what” and “the fuck”……….. Meaning, what the fuck have we been putting in our mouths for all these years????  The last entry I mentioned about watching documentaries such as “Food, Inc.”, “The Future of Food” and one that my friend recommended “Food Matters”.  You can remain ignorant and turn your head like I had for so many years as to what is going on out there in our country with food, or you can open your eyes and do some research.  I can guarantee you won’t look at food the same way.  Or ignore it and keep turning an ignorant eye to it…totally up to you.  I chose the first option and super glad I did.

        Some of you may be thinking “who does this chick think she is?  When did she all of a sudden become the health nut?”  Let me enlighten you…I am someone who went from putting complete crap in my family’s and my own mouths every day, to someone who woke up and decided to make a change….and a HUGE change at that.  I’m not just talking about the Bon Bon’s and Twinkies we as a society have eaten over the years, (total culprit of that, times like a billion).  I am referring to things like our fruits, vegetables, meats, and grains.  Even the stuff you THINK is good for you these days???  Take another look… do some reading…watch a few YouTube videos here and there…...This is some scary shit.  I, being the normal consumer for the last 34 years, never even thought about it…that is until I started putting the RIGHT stuff in my body.  I went from someone who had terrible stomach issues all the time, a migraine countless days of the month, acid reflux up the WAZOO and zero energy (even when I was thin), the girl who could take a nap 30 minutes after I woke.  I never even got good nights sleep…most times I would take a Benadryl or even Nyquil to just sleep through the night……. My body was literally rotting from the inside out.  (Imagine that nasty ass visual people, but in so many ways it was true!  And if you are eating that same food off the shelves of a regular grocery store, yours are too)  I would take medication after medication for years.  Doctor after doctor trying to figure out the constant stomach troubles and the migraines……their answer?  MEDICATION…………lots and lots and LOTS of mediation.   Over the years if I added up all the freaking meds I was putting in my body, and you could look through my skin at my insides (ok that is so disturbing sounding, right? But just follow my lead here, try to get a visual)  I’d look like one of those big ass gumball machine’s you see….All sizes, all colors, all CRAP! None of it worked and most of it made things worse!  And the most terrible part of it is that sometimes the side effects were worse than the initial issue….So what is that telling us???  How is something that is supposed to help me, making things worse for me?  Medicine wasn't curing any of my problems, it maybe, and I use that word sooo loosely, it would MAYBE help in the “moment” but never ever in the long run to rid me of my many ailments.  As of January 31^st 2013, I have not had to put one pill in my mouth to get rid of any kind of issue.  What happened on January 31^st? I started the Isagenix program and it literally has changed my life.  Not just the thirty pounds I've lost so far but how I feel.  It is amazing how when you are eating the pure organic nutrition your body responds to it.  This is some exciting shit!  And the amazing part behind it is it is SO simple…it’s like DUH!         That food I was putting in my body before was poisoning me, literally.  It was poisoning my family too.   It was causing a plethora of health issues.  I finally stood up and took charge and was like “uh uh, no more!”  (There was totally a hair flip and two snaps in a circle when I said that…..and even a little head roll as I just typed it).  I felt what it was like to finally put the right stuff in, and in turn get the right stuff out.  By that I mean all this amazing real energy.  And sleep, oh my God the sleep is literally dreamy!!!!!  (That and Chief is also sleeping through the night, no more tossing and turning or snoring!!!! I don’t want to kill him anymore!!! Yay!! This is actually a win, win for both of us as you can imagine.) 

           So back to that part about all this energy.  As I told my friends I’ve met along this journey,  the other night my ass was on the treadmill (working out is totally optional, you don’t have to for Isagenix to work) but I had (and always have) so much energy I was literally dancing to the music on Pandora as I was jogging.  (I’m multi talented……….don’t be jealous.)  The first song that popped on to my iPhone was” Eye of the Tiger”…( I was totally Rocky Balboa-ing that shit, jogging and boxing the air, thankful that Chief was at a meeting so he couldn’t see me looking like a complete dufus, looking more like I was having a seizure than getting a work out, but who cares right? NOT ME!!!! ) That feeling that I am accomplishing something awesome totally got me even MORE pumped to go that extra mile.  Literally instead of my normal 3 mile’s I did four instead.   

     I impress myself every day with how far I’ve come in so little time.   My journey continues every day and not just the pounds that have come off, I mean more like the habits that have changed, and with little effort at all.  That is why this product is so amazing..There’s nothing else out there like it.  To be able to have this organic nutrition, eat it for free, AND make extra money to use however I want????? My food “fright” is not so frightening after all anymore!

STRAP ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND LET’S DO THIS! (Dedicated to Danielle, wink wink)

     If there was a catchy way to say this for men AND women I would have titled it that way but since men don’t wear panties (well some do, but that’s neither here nor there),  I had to change my verbiage to sound catchy.  OK, so here’s the damn deal people…if you want results you can’t half ass shit.  Seriously if you want to make a change it’s all or nothing.  Sure one little step at a time works too……but you are dragging that crap out.  Get serious and get in the damn game.  It’s time for a reality check.  I had my reality check in the beginning of January when I started having heart palpitations and went to the hospital.  I was terrified and the entire time in my head I knew a lot of what I was experiencing was because I was about 100 plus pounds overweight and leading an unhealthy life style.  Compound that shit with stress?  You are looking at a whole melting pot that could have potentially turned into one huge ass disaster.  I should be clearer on this…before all this stuff happened in January I already knew Chief and I were prime candidates for possibly heart disease, diabetes and God knows what else!  I knew the way Chief and I were living was risky.  We would eat crappy food more than not, and do take out 2-3 times a week. What the fuck was I teaching my 4 year old Igor???? ( For new readers who haven't read past entries, Igor is my "stage" name for my son).  I knew something needed to either change or one or both of us were going to end up with some major medical issue at a young age.   Thank God my friend Jacqui (love that girl more than anything) convinced me to try the Isagenix.
       I feel the need to explain a little more of what is going on with this program and how and why it works. Partly because being educated on it is important and partly because I’m tired of some of my friends looking at me like I have 3 heads when I talk about it. Of the three different plans they have, Healthy Aging, Athletic Performance and Weight Loss, clearly the weight loss package was the one for the hubster and me.  Since Chief also needed to lose weight we started it together.  We follow the plan as close as possible and have seen amazing, amazing results and feel wonderful on top of it.  Not everyone who starts this has a ton of weight to lose. I think that is where there is some confusion.  The idea behind it is to give yourself pure good 100% organic nutrition as opposed to what you were putting in your body before.  It’s a cellular cleanse people…and half-assing it or getting down on yourself  if you didn’t drop 10 pounds the first week is just silliness.  Rome wasn’t built in a damn day! You have to get the old crap out and the good stuff in to see results.  Also if you don’t have a significant amount to lose like we do, of course it isn’t going to fall off at lightning speed.  That is where I need to explain more… This program is about making you feel better…getting pure nutrition in you -the weight loss is a side effect of that.  As your cells are being cleaned, the visceral fat is no longer needed to protect your organs from the everyday toxins we have been putting in our bodies, therefore it releases that fat off of our bodies.  Sure you can go on eating the same old regular foods you did, even if it’s fruits, veggies, lean meats and low fat stuff, but the problem here is that it still holds tons of toxins, chemicals, anti-biotics, etc if it isn’t organic.  So let’s put it this way….if you don’t do the cleaning, you are going to eventually rebound and gain all that weight you lost back because your body is still toxic. And if you are like I was in the past, you will gain an extra 20 lbs on TOP of the that. (Trust me when I tell you this, I used to be the world’s biggest Yo-yo dieter because I never changed WHAT I ate.  I just changed the portions of it)……. I NEVER, EVER in a million years would have believed that this was legit until I put it into action.   I have also been doing some major research as to WHY it works because that is really important to me...if I’m going to do something I want to know why it is working, I want to know what I was doing wrong before to always get the same shitty ass results-losing and gaining, losing and gaining…rinse and fucking repeat…Never really feeling energized and still always feeling tired and as I like to put it…like a slug.
      I have watched and read some really informative stuff on all the toxins in our food and meat these days..It is some SCARY, CRAZY SHIT.  I will be honest I used to be one of those people who would make fun of people who ate all organic. ( Like seriously make fun of them….for real)   It’s called ignorance and I was a huge culprit of it.  Complete ignorance….I turned a blind eye to it because like they say “ignorance is bliss”.  Bliss? Really?  No ignorance is a fatty on the couch feeling like crap, eating Cheeto’s and brownies. When I started the Isagenix and immediately felt the difference..that is when I began to read up on the how’s and why’s.  I wanted and NEEDED to be informed.   Do yourselves a favor, whether you are a  man or woman,  read the book “Skinny Bitch” (Thank you Rosie for buying me that…it’s amazing) and watch these documentaries…”Food, Inc.” and “The Future of Food”.  You will never look at what you have been putting in your mouth the same again.  These are JUST a few……. But they will scare the crap out of you.  There is tons more…but these are some really good ones.

       I don’t want the already slimmer people thinking they are gonna go from 140 lbs in a month down to 110 just because Chief and I lost so much our first 30 days.  We are BIG people…we will have bigger, faster weight loss results then say a size 8 person.    So here comes the part about strapping on your big girl panties and doing it. (Usually, yes we take off our panties to “do it” but in this case we are putting them on! Get your freak minds out of the gutter people! Sheesh!)  Get your butt off the couch and get moving.  Sure the pounds of fat have been shedding off of the hubster and me, but we work at it too.  We decided to get our fat asses out of the lazy boy’s and start moving….. I can’t stress enough how working out makes you feel EVEN BETTER than just sitting there and letting the program do the work for you.  To the people out there who already work out you have half the success plan under your belt…now it’s a matter of getting the right nutrition in your body to clean your dirty, foul, shamefully toxic cells of all that nasty ass stuff.  (If my body were a classroom and my cells were the student’s their asses would have been in the principal’s office because they were so freaking bad!)
       Chief and I went from very inactive couch potatoes to movers and shakers.  We never had the energy before like we do now... I’ve never seen the Chief run……now he runs…..like for 40 minutes at a time.  Who is this sexy-ass hot man running on the treadmill in my house??????  Let me at him!  This man who used to house an entire pizza by himself before said to me the other day as he tied his running shoes “this is my favorite part of the day, getting on the treadmill”………….whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa???  Who are you and what did you do with my husband?  At some point in time there has been and abduction of the old Chief and a new one set in his place. I mean don’t get me wrong I am LOVING this side of him…this side of us I should say….. We both work out now all the time, but nothing sexier than a man caring about how he looks and working hard to get to that point.  He strapped on his big girl panties, so to speak, on day one and has been putting every effort into becoming super healthy since….and has the weight loss to prove it.  People who haven’t seen him in awhile can’t believe what he looks like now.  I am so proud of the changes we have both made, but mostly for the changes he has made.  He is one stubborn ass man….I must admit I was so worried starting this, that he wouldn’t stick to it but holy shit Chief is a maniac! He never ceases to amaze me.  I am so happy to be on this journey with him.

      Let’s now talk about the new people on my team, who have joined up with us to embark on a better life for themselves.  I’m giving a shout out to Laura and Greg (you guys are ROCKING THIS SHIT)and getting amazing results, feeling super energized, dropping weight and are only about 2 weeks in and you are finding it so easy to follow.  Laura said to me she has not had any coffee since starting or diet soda (she was like me and drank that shit all day long to keep awake). Chantel started just a few days ago.  She has suffered for years going doctor to doctor feeling like hell, taking lots of different medications to no avail.  No one has been able to figure out what was wrong or help…on her first day in and she posted that she was able to get through her day without a struggle.  She did laundry, cleaned her house and played with her daughter.  These tasks were normally such a struggle for her.  She has also already quit smoking, feels fantastic and lost about 6 lbs.  My girl Lindsey, started 3 days ago and said to me today that she hasn’t been able to clean her apartment in so long because she’s felt like crap, and then today she felt so good from starting using the Isagenix that she cleaned her apartment!!! She also mentioned she hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in so long…..guess what people…her ass is sleeping soundly now!!!  HELLOOOOOOO can we say this is definitely something that works?!  It’s amazing when you put the right stuff in your body the stuff it can do! These results are just some testimonials from the people on my team.   I’m not here to shove the system down people’s throats. ….I’m here to tell you MY results so far and the results of the people I have shared the program with.   If you are interested in trying the plan, you know where to find me….. I’m so excited for my very good friend Eric to start his 30 day cleanse tomorrow.  I know he is going to feel amazing and it’s gonna benefit him beyond belief.
       So in closing, I know this was a very long entry.  I also know I needed to write it to explain about my journey, my husband’s journey and what YOUR journey can look like if you choose to take it.  Thank you to all my supporters out there...I'll catch up again soon....next time with a funny entry....for now I gotta go strap on those running shoes my friends, the treadmill is calling my name!