Because I have no problem laying it all out there anymore (the
old me NEVER would have shared all these personal stories but that is where all
these awesome changes have come into play with my new life.)…because I now have
no shame about what my life WAS….I want to share my worst moments…along with my
best because I know I can be the voice of many who are afraid to step up and
talk or afraid to take that first leap to better themselves…I want to inspire
people to do that….
I’m gonna share a
little story about my past health issues.
I may or may not use the word “fuck” throughout….one can never be too
sure…..Ok who am I kidding?…that word will be sprinkled about in every blog I’m
pretty sure. Before Isagenix, my stomach
was one hot fucking mess (see, there it is….already). By hot mess, I mean I am 34 years old….and
have already had 3 colonoscopies in my lifetime. Don’t be jealous… although we all know how
much fun it sounds to drink this nasty salty saline that they “flavor” with
lime and ginger to make it more palpable…..I will tell you first hand…FUCK NO
it is the WORST tasting stuff ever…and it has forever tainted my ability to
drink limeade again (because that is what my doctor recommended I put it in to
help with the flavor) NOTHING can help with that flavor, let’s just be very
clear on THAT!….Then you get to shit your brains out for hours and I mean HOURS,
go to the hospital the next morning looking
like hell and feeling weak and nauseous because you can’t eat or drink… and THEN you
get to have a camera shoved up your hiney along with a steady stream of air,
all while they have you under anesthesia and all the people in the room get to
see your bits and pieces without you remembering squat about it. Afterwards and here’s the REAL gem….. you get
to lay in the bed in a “recovery room” with just a thin curtain separating you
and alllllllllll the other post procedure patients…..and you get to………. FART………..yep! You read that right….you get to (they make
you) fart and fart and fart out ALL that air they blew up your ass while you
were knocked out. The nurses would make it sound like it was just SO easy to
rip one in front of (or at least next to a curtain) that separated you from a
complete stranger. I have a farting
complex…………this would NEVER be easy for me….. How much fun right? So not once, not twice but three times I have
had to do this….It never got easier any time.
The reason I had to do this is because I have always had the
worst stomach…I would eat and I would be in the bathroom within minutes…it
would go right through me. I have been
from specialist to specialist….no one had any idea except “IBS” was the answer
I got…each and every time. No one saying
what was staring them AND me in the face all along yet no one ever brought it
up? NO one ever thought well maybe it’s
the shit you eat…..it took me two more colonoscopies and about 8 more years of
these stomach issues to figure out it was the crap I was putting in my body…and
I don’t just mean the fried foods…it was literally everything… the sauces, the
dairy, all that processed junk, the diet sodas and artificial sweeteners….I was
filling my stomach up with…wasn’t just putting the pounds on me but it was also
making me toxic and that was my body’s way of rejecting that shit….literally
and figuratively.
Since beginning Isagenix I have not had ONE single bout of
IBS………this is how I know that it was the food that I used to put in my body
that was causing years and years of distress on my stomach and my toilet! Obviously Isagenix cannot claim to cure
anything as it is just pure whole food organic nutrition…but first hand I KNOW
it has changed my life and my bowels for the better!
***A little side note about my first time having a
colonoscopy…. For some reason I thought it would be a wonderful idea to go for
all you can eat wings the night after the colonoscopy was finished….(No one
ever needs “all you can eat” by the way …of anything) ……. But anyway….so after
having a completely empty stomach, a camera and air shoved up my bum that
morning…I decided that wings were what I wanted to eat…and BOY did I have my
fair share of the “all you can eat”………So anyway, on the way home…of course…my
stomach started to feel icky, as always….….Chief was driving (we were still
just dating at this time)….we were about 5 minutes from home and I had to fart……..and
I mean I had to fart worse than I ever had to fart in my life…there was still
air stuck up in me from the morning’s treat of a procedure….and I just didn’t
realize it til I added the fried wings on top of that….So I let it rip…..and
THANK GOD it was silent……………….but HOLY HELL it was also DEADLY…………. I quick
rolled down the window….. Hoping,….. PRAYING, Chief wouldn’t get a whiff and it
would just make it’s way out of the window. This sucker was LINGERING! It would not, COULD not find it’s way out the
open window to relieve us of it’s stench….OH MY GOD…OH MY GOD….FUCK FUCK FUCK! He’s gonna smell it and KNOW it was me…..he’s
not gonna wanna keep dating me! This is
the shit that was going through my head….. So I had to fess up and say “I’m
sorry if you smell that…My stomach is still full of air and I didn’t think it
would stink”………………Chief turned to me, with a big ol’ grin on his face and said “holy
shit babe! That was AWESOME!!!!! I thought we just passed a shit truck or
something!”……………and that my friends is part of the reason I married that man………
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